Another Step in the Right Direction

Well, I took the next step in my journey tonight, I went to my first AA meeting.  This wasn't a normal meeting, it had a guest speaker.  One of the members received her one year coin tonight and listening to her talking about how she got there was inspiring.  She is the one that set up the guest speaker, someone that had helped her through her struggles.  Listening to him speak was encouraging, sad, funny, and uplifting.  I am so glad I went.  Thanks to my friend that encouraged me to attend and went with me.  Put me with a dying patient and I go into Paramedic mode and can care for the patient, teach students, and do what I do best without caring who is around...I am comfortable at what I do.  I can teach classes to other medic students and nurses that I have never met and talk for hours...I am comfortable at what I do.  Put me in a room full of people that I don't know and have me to speak out about something other than paramedicine I am a nervous wreck.  When I decided I wanted to go to AA I was scared.  I didn't want to be that new person that everyone stared at and didn't talk to.  I have to say that EVERYONE in that room made me feel welcome and had words of encouragement for me.  I will definitely continue with AA because like I have said in other blogs, you just can't fully understand addiction until you have lived it yourself.  I know in the big picture that God is in control and if I listen to him he will lead me down the right paths.  It might seem crazy to some, but I think God wants me to go to AA because he knows that I need it.  Sometimes it might just be nice to vent to people that have been through what you have been through, or hear the stories of people that have been through much worse.  Also on the AA note, my friend brought me a copy of the AA book along with schedules for all the AA meetings around.  Thank you very much.  Sometimes it's the little things that might not seem like much to yourself but gives hope and encouragement to others.

In 10 days I will be sober 1 month.  Let me tell you, this month has been one of the hardest months, with more ups and downs than I can ever remember.  But you know what, I will make it to that month mark with support from God, family, and my real friends.  I say real friends a lot because it's the one's that have given me encouragement that are my true friends.  Some people have not had anything to  say and probably don't care.  It's not that I don't like these people, but I guess they are more of acquaintances. Once again thanks to everyone that's had kind words, emails, or phone calls.  I can't get enough of them. 

I in no way mean this in a bad way, but dealing with the public everyday makes me not want to be around them on my days off.  Again, I don't mean this bad, but lets face it, I deal with some idiots in my line of work.  Don't get me wrong, some of the people I deal with are awesome and a pleasure to deal with, but it's the idiots that get under my skin.  Because of this I have my circle of friends that I like to be around.  What I am getting at is that in going to the meeting tonight, it was comfortable being around people I didn't know that was sort of the general public, but all there for the same reason and it was obvious they were all there to support each other.  Without a better word, it was refreshing.

I would like to give very special thanks to my wife Charity for putting up with my ups and downs through all of this.  It takes a very special person, and a person who loves you more than words can say to put up with a alcoholic.  Thank you for being there Charity when I didn't know if I could go on any further. There has been many times, especially lately, when you gave me that extra push that I needed to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  You gave me that push sometimes when you didn't even know. I love you Charity!

I am gonna keep on keeping on, one second at a time, one minute at a time, one day at a time...what ever it takes. Until next time,

Chris